Filipino Custom on Death, Loss and Grieving

Once a Filipino dies, it is traditional to hold a wake. Deceased men are dressed in the traditional barong tagalong while women are dressed in terno or their best dress. Traditionally, the immediate family of the deceased wears black but nowadays, I can see family members wearing white during the wake and the funeral itself.

Libing (Funeral) is like a big family reunion for the Filipinos. Relatives from all over the country (and even those outside the country) are expected to attend the wake and funeral of the deceased. People are expected to come together and grieve in groups rather than do so privately. Family and friends are also expected to come forward to support then grieving family and not doing so is considered an offense.

Filipinos judge the life and stature of the deceased by the number of people gathered for the wake or funeral and it is customary to discuss the life and accomplishments of the deceased during the wake.

Flowers are often given in condolence to the family, with a message of condolences written on a ribbon attached to the bouquet of flowers (we call it corona ng patay). Family members and friends, keep vigil, pray, eat, talk and socialize with guests, offering food and refreshments to those mourning with the family.

After the death of a person, a nine-day period of having novena of prayers and masses offered for the deceased is held – we locally call it PASIYAM.

After the pasiyam comes the 40-day mourning period following the belief that Jesus Christ’s ascended to heaven after the said period of days. A mass is held at the end of this period and in some instances that family of the deceased also offer some food and refreshment to those who attended the occasion.